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The Trouble with Discretion
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The Trouble with Discretion Most married individuals in Lesbian Date Network mention being discreet. (Which, by the way is *not* the same as discrete -- these two words are vastly different. But that's a story for the non-existent "Lesbian Date Network Intellectual Chat" forum"...) Being discreet usually ends up requiring a bit of "truth bending." For example, I am a married man and I recently met a married woman for a drink to see if we had any chemistry*. During our date, she received a text from her out-of-town husband. She texted back about how she was on call for work, and had a terrible headache, and really just wanted to be at home. This is all part of maintaining a sense of normalcy in real life. But, of course... it's (gulp)... lying. We were having an ok time and it wasn't about to end. Her lie served to extend our time together, to justify her being away from home, to keep things feeling normal with your husband. I do the same thing. Most of us do. The moment we observe someone bending the truth, we know they can do it and do it (for the most part) pretty well. Thus, we cannot trust anything they say to us. So the next time we ask about getting together and they tell us why they can't, we distrust it. They can't find a babysitter; their just called and her car broke down; work called and they have to go in; the heating broke and they're waiting for the service guy; they have a bad cough and a headache, it might be the flu. The problem is that not all people are lying about everything. Really, they probably are not lying about very much. But a relationship that starts with lying -- it's very existence requires a lie -- is usually doomed. I'm married, but want to have an honest, fun, exploratory relationship that does not involve my wife. I love my wife, and she loves me. But she has no interest in things I want to discover with someone else. We don't stroll through Adam and Eve and buy sexy things; we don't go to a hotel room and watch adult movies while pleasuring each other with our mouths and toys. And I crave all of that. Sigh. ** ** ** * It's fair to say that chemistry is a rare thing, so I never expect it, and on this date we really didn't have it. That's ok. When I go out for a first meeting I intend to have fun conversations, enjoy good food, and probably never see that person again. When you don't feel like you want to fuck each other's brains out, that usually also means "I don't really need a new friend." (This is *not* always true -- I have two female friends I've met here that I will probably never sleep with, but I truly enjoy a nice lunch from time to time where we laugh, share stories, and have great times.) ---------------------------- Honesty comes first. So be honest, and I'll make sure you cum first. |
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I love your post! It's to bad you live on the other side of the US. I would definitely meet you to go shopping in an adult store!
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It's how each person processes their own lie within themselves, that differentiates one form of lying from the other. When saying one is at location A when in fact they are at location B, they are concealing _actions_ from the other but not necessarily lying about _feelings_ for the other. In your case as you describe it, you are cheating on your wife but that is not affecting [so you say] how you fundamentally _feel_ for your wife. I am not trying to make a moral character judgment or trying to position one type of lie as better or worse than the other. You seem to be distrusting not so much the lying of the third party, whether the excuses are real or contrived, but that they are concealing or avoiding telling you how they really feel about you, that they are avoiding telling you "I don't want to" or "I don't feel like it." The fellow liar knows you know she is capable of lying and may expect you to be o.k. with her lying to you, too. She expects you can process the lying [if there is lying, because I think it's all in your head] and probably assumes you are very capable of lying to her in return. If you're both o.k. with that, what's the problem?
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I love your honesty!! [post 3565423
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